Some days life is super manageable. Some days it’s a crap shoot filled with seventy two triggers that want nothing more than to throw you off your game. Some days are genuinely peace filled. Some days are a big, chaotic mess. Some days there’s huge, beautiful clear skies. Some days there’s a gloomy array of clouds and rain and the heavens seem heavy.
Recovery is like that. Some days you feel good to go and fully committed to your commitments to change. While other days your vices for coping with life stare at you and breathe down your neck like a psychotic, hungry monkey on your back.
In the throws of it all how do you stand firm in the decision to be good to yourself; to honor yourself; to see yourself as worthy? I don’t know much about ALL the in’s and out’s of recovery….. but, I’ve learned to accept this key fact: it’s a series of choices. One choice made after another followed by another and then repeated again and again. The will to change in any given area is simply fueled by… the will to change.
I have learned recently that there is significant power in honesty and surrender. These are two components that are like cool water to an over heated soul. These are two positions of mind that are the gateways to the strength and drive for the long haul of change. Admitting struggle honestly, coupled with the abandonment of perfection, is actually a position that generates more freedom, not less. Surrendering to your weakness’ seems counterintuitive, but it’s incredibly necessary for the way forward. When you admit, or surrender, to your powerlessness over any given vice in your life it tends to quiet that internal drive to be “more”. It creates a pause effect in your grappling and like a gentle friend it extends to you a sense of acceptance for where you actually are. When you quiet the drive to be “more” you can begin to hear the still, small whisper of your humanity that says, “you are enough, as is, struggles and all”. That voice that tells you “you are ENOUGH, as is” is crucial to empowering any form of lasting change. You have nowhere to go but up once you let yourself fall to the bottom of your truth. So long as you hover just above the truth, pretending to be (or convincing yourself) that you’re more than you really are- you miss the opportunity to be honest with yourself. The voice that tells you you’re already enough is often buried beneath a heavy facade. We don’t intentionally bury that whisper, but in order to turn up it’s volume we have to be real with ourselves. We have to surrender our desire for perfection and accept honestly the reality of the way we cope with life.
Recovery, from anything, isn’t easy. It requires a grind, a trunk load of grit, and the will to change. There’s something holy found nestled inside of honest acceptance. There’s something liberating about surrender to our truth.
Be where you are today. I believe in us and the power to recover.